dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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