Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
