I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
