There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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