I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
