My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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