Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
