I wish I only lived at night.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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