I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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