Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
