are you still at the devil's house?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
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