i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
accomplished twins. life is a go
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
