I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
