He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
