dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You took a bar mat shot.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
