dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
