remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
