i already hear my dad disowning me
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
as a side note pls kill me
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
