would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
