I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
