new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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