the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
