i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
