Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
