actually, I'm a sock model
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
