There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
