dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
