I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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