Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
