bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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