At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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