don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
