i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My liver just had a heart attack.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
