I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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