If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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