so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
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