Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
