we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
