I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
