singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I looked at my own cervix.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
