I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
