i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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