Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
