last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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