Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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