so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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