Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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