And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
