I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
