I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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