Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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