should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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