Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
