1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
