I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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