where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
