Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
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