his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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