yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
