I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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