South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
